Not Just Crazy
by akblake
Summary: Unexpected circumstances provide Parker with the perfect opportunity to corner Eliot about his attitude... and ends up having to share some of her own ghosts instead.


Parker glanced up at the hole in what used to be the floor, which was now the ceiling given that they'd fallen through it, and worked to keep the grin off of her face. She had planned to pin Eliot down for a serious conversation and though this wasn't exactly what she envisioned, she'd take it anyway. "Nope, can't climb out- it's all at the wrong angle," she fibbed when he asked if she could monkey her way back out. The tiny room had metal sides, and what looked like thick insulation in the ceiling, so given that and the fact that their earbuds couldn't connect since their fall she guessed it was a refrigeration unit at one time. Its single door had resisted their attempts at forcing it open and was either stuck or locked from the other side. They had been checking out the warehouse in preparation of Nate using it to pose as an arms dealer, but the concrete floor had given out under their combined weight and dumped them into this unknown room. From the black mold coloring the insulation that tumbled down to join them, it appeared that water damage was the cause of the collapse.

Eliot swore and paced around the small space, and Parker could nearly physically feel his bad temper. His euphoria immediately following their triumph over Moreau had plummeted into a black mood which had the others stepping carefully to avoid drawing his cutting sarcasm, and Parker wasn't going to put up with it anymore. He needed to talk, whether he would admit it or not, and now that they'd landed where he couldn't escape without her help she'd happily take the opportunity to force the issue. Hopefully before Hardison realized that their earbuds weren't responding and tracked them down.

"So, anything you want to get off of your chest while we wait?" Parker started off with a soft question to give him a shot at doing this the easy way. His venomous glare answered _that_ question. "See, I think that you need to talk about something that's eating you up inside, and since we're not going anywhere-" Eliot cut her off.

"What, we've pulled a few jobs as a team and now you think that you know me well enough to play amateur psychologist? Doesn't happen that way, and I don't want to talk," he snapped and went back to his restless pacing.

Parker watched him stride five steps to her right, spin, and pace the same five steps back to the other corner of the enclosure. He held himself stiffly which, given that they weren't injured beyond a few bruises in the fall, spoke to her of agitation and stress. "No, I think that you do," she contradicted his claim. Parker decided to take an educated guess as to what had him wound so tightly. "I think those memories are eating you alive now that you've had to bring them up again and you don't have a way of forcing them back down again." She watched him twitch slightly and turn furiously to face her.

"When I said that I don't want to talk, that means stop pushing! I don't want to satisfy some morbid curiosity of yours, or let you see how far you can poke before I react." Eliot all but yelled. "You wouldn't have the first idea what's bothering me, so let's just pass the time in silence, _not talking_." He drew a deep breath and forced his hands to unclench. Parker caught an expression flash across his face for just a second before it was gone, but it was enough for her to recognize. She'd seen it in her own reflection a few times.

She settled onto a fallen chunk of the floor above and tucked her knees up to her chest. This conversation would be painful, in more ways than one, and she couldn't help her own need to curl up, to hide. "Yeah, I think I do. Shut up!" She raised her head and glared as he snorted and opened his mouth to send another volley her way. "Let me speak, and then you can say anything that you want when I'm done." Parker rested her chin on her knees and hugged them to her, eyes sliding away from his to focus on a bit of insulation swaying in the air current.

"The first time I killed someone I was ten years old." She deliberately started blunt, determined to hold nothing back if she was going to tell. Eliot froze in place, but she didn't pay him too much attention. "I was always small, too thin, and he grabbed me when I cut through an alley. We ended up on the ground and even then I knew what he wanted to do to me, so I fought. I scratched and kicked, and when I felt something on the ground, I picked it up and swung it at him too. Caught him right across the throat." Parker swallowed hard at the feelings the memory brought up and took a moment to collect herself before continuing. "It was some twisted piece of metal, maybe from a car wreck, but it just cut across his neck so easily. He… I remember being shocked at how hot his blood was when it splashed on me. I freaked out, ran away, and had nightmares about it for weeks. Tried to justify that it was self-defense, but a part of me was satisfied that he was dead- he couldn't hurt anyone else."

Parker glanced over to find Eliot staring at her, frown of confusion pulling at his lips and furrowing his forehead. She shook her head to remind him to keep his mouth shut until he was finished. If he interrupted, she may never get the courage to start this up again. "The second person I killed couldn't be justified as self-defense, it was cold revenge, and I was twelve." She heard a shuffle and thump as Eliot must have sat on the floor, but didn't look over to confirm it. Parker couldn't stand to look him in the eye as she voiced her own ghosts.

"On the streets, I had made a friend of another kid, Katie. We scavenged and begged together, and usually did okay. I remember that it was a Tuesday when I found her, laying there so still beside our favorite dumpster, and dragged her back to the building we were hiding in." A tear broke free and rolled down her cheek as she remembered just how badly beaten her first ever friend had been. "She managed to tell me that an older boy had caught her, took all the food she'd managed to find, and beat her for absolutely no reason. She didn't fight, couldn't have hurt him, but he still kicked her nearly to death before he ran away. When Katie got worse, I couldn't take her to the hospital- they would have split us up, put us in group homes, and we'd have ended up worse off than we were on the streets. Wouldn't have made a difference, though, as she died two days later."

Parker sniffled and wiped the tears off of her face. She could still remember how Katie's face lit up with a massive smile whenever they had begged enough money to actually buy food from a store. Those memories were still etched, perfect as a photograph, in her mind. "I tracked down the boy who'd attacked her, followed him until he finally split off from the group he was with, and deliberately beat him to death with a brick I'd picked up just for that purpose. He cried, and begged, and screamed, and I didn't stop until I couldn't lift the brick again. By then I'd caved in his head and when I picked something off of my shirt, I had to go puke as I realized that it was some of his brains. Still really don't like gelatin." She risked another glance at Eliot.

Contrary to what she'd feared, he appeared more understanding than horrified, though his gaze seemed to be looking more into the distance than focusing on her. Parker could work with that far better than horror or disgust. She took advantage of his distraction to gather herself back together again. She had very good reasons why she rarely spoke of her past and the emotions seemed to suck away all of her energy and she just wanted this over. "I killed again a few years before we made a team. Had paired up with another thief to steal the Marluck collection and once we got away, he tried to shove me off a rooftop rather than split the jewelry." Parker noticed out of the corner of her eye that Eliot seemed to be focused on her again rather than whatever he saw in his head. "I ended up shooting him in the stomach; must have hit something important because he died before I could do too much to help. After that I kept away from everyone; didn't want any friends after Katie, no partners who could double-cross me, nothing. The only reason I took Dubenich's offer is because he didn't tell me it was part of a team until he called to say where I should show up."

Parker steeled herself and stared Eliot directly in the eye. "So you see, I _do_ know what I'm talking about when I say that memories are eating at your insides. I _do_ know that you need to talk." Eliot thought silently and then nodded.

"I need time to get my thoughts together," he responded, and Parker realized that his request for time wasn't some sort of dodge. He wanted to get himself sorted out before he'd come and find her for that talk. Grateful that he wasn't trying to discuss the admissions she'd made, she gave him a small nod in acceptance before standing and dusting off her pants.

"Now that that's settled, let's get out of here before we panic Hardison too much." Parker eyed the pile of collapsed concrete and rebar and began plotting a route to the top. It would be tricky, but fairly easy compared to some of the vaults she'd broken into.

Eliot made an inarticulate noise of frustration. "You mean that this entire time you could have gotten us out of here?!" he growled.

"It was an opportunity to get you to talk without everyone else around and I took it. We aren't hurt or in any danger, just confined where you had to stop and listen. Would you really have let me speak if you could have walked away?" Parker crossed her arms over her chest and faced him squarely.

His frustration visibly drained away. "No, I would have walked out of the nearest door," he admitted.

"Okay, so it served its purpose and now we can get out of here." Parker ended the conversation by carefully working her way back out of the room they'd fallen into, and lay down on the floor to offer Eliot a hand up. He dubiously eyed some of the fallen debris before he decided to jump and trust that she'd be able to lift him. Parker easily managed to pull him up and help him climb out onto what they both hoped was solid concrete.

Eliot rolled to his feet first and helped pull her up. "You're not as crazy as you act, are you?" Parker eyed him speculatively. She didn't allow too many people to see the person under her protective shell, but she'd already pulled away part of it when she gave voice to some of the worst memories she carried.

"I won't ever be normal, but I'm not _just_ crazy," she admitted. Part of it was her, and part of it was an act to keep everyone else at arm's length where they couldn't hurt her. Eliot accepted her reasoning without comment and the two friends carefully exited the warehouse to tell Nate that he'd have to find another place to take their mark- this one was far too dangerous to use.


End file.
